The birds and the bees
by PolarisWhatever
Summary: The first time Kazuma really kissed her, Ayano locked herself in the bathroom. OS, warnings for shameless fluff, lame humour, and ill-treatment of an innocent couch.


The birds and the bees

Candleinthebox

Humor/Romance

Rating: Teen

Disclaimer: Not. Mine. 'nough said.

Note: Like, omigod, I wrote fluff! *checks temperature in hell* But heck, I really, really wanted Ayano and Kazuma to get together at the end of KNS. Shonen are such a pain for that kind of things.

Anyway, this is supposed to be remotely funny (and cute). If it's not, please warn me so I can go hide in a nearby closet and never come out.

Not beta-read, meaning, mistakes might be found. If so, please do not panic and follow the emergency procedure: 1/Click on the review button, 2/Complain. Hopefully, I won't make them again.

Reviews will be loved and reviewers worshipped.

* * *

The first time Kazuma really kissed her, Ayano locked herself in the bathroom.

She realized it was not a very mature thing to do. Heck, no sugar coating it, that was actually something a ten years old would have done. A very childish ten years old.

But she could not help it, it was… she was… he was…

Well.

It was very complicated.

Sure, she had known all along that she was a teenager, he a young adult, and that he had a lot more experience than her. He had already kissed other girls, and he had been living with Tsui Lin for a while, so… erm, he had probably done way more than kissing. She was no idiot, and she knew perfectly well what men and women in love were supposed to do when they were… taking things further. At least, she had an overall view of the thing, even if she did not _exactly_ know how it went. And it had never bothered her before, since even though she had had a few crushes like every other girl, she had never considered doing that kind of things. It was just… ew, no way.

Okay, so maybe there were a few romance novels of questionable literary value hidden under her mattress (because it was a convenient place to store them, _of course_, and nothing else), but she was still a pure young maiden.

Really.

And she had not thought about it at all before _it_ happened.

It had started with a very casual visit to Kazuma's apartment. The youma they had been assigned to destroy that day was rather weak, the mission had been wrapped up pretty fast, and it was still early in the evening, so he had suggested that they go "relax" a bit at his place. It was not an unusual occurrence, for they had started spending more and more time together recently, stopping to have a drink in cafes after missions, simply chatting in his apartment, or even going to watch a movie one or twice. They were still bickering over a lot of things, but it was more like a kind of game between them. Ayano was well aware that he was provoking her because he knew she was easy to rile up, and did not resent him for it. According to Nanase and Yukari, who were always eager to give their opinion when nobody needed it, his teasing her was actually _flirting_. She would have never agreed aloud, but there was a little voice in her head that nodded along emphatically every time the issue was mentioned.

Kazuma had never said that he loved her, or that he even considered her romantically, but the changes in his attitude were noticeable. He was nicer, more caring, and there were small gestures that she could not help feeling very aware of, like how he would often brush her waist, hold her arm when they were walking together, or absently twirl a lock of her hair between his fingers. There was the way he looked at her, too. Sometimes, she would catch him watching her from the corner of his eyes, with something in his gaze that she would have almost called tender if she was not scared of getting her hopes up for nothing. She was conscious it all sounded very cheesy, but anyway, things were changing between them. And maybe, one day…

It finally looked like that day had come. She did not know how she managed to be so bold, maybe it was the relaxing atmosphere, the small smile at the corner of his lips, or the way his hand had come to rest on her shoulder lightly, almost like an afterthought, while they were talking, sitting very closely on his couch. Or maybe the whole chasing youma and using a magic fire sword issue had finally gone to her brain and she was going nuts (people in her family tended to be peculiar… see her father?).

Anyway, she did _it_. As Kazuma leaned forward to take his cup of tea on the table, without thinking, she did the same and kissed him, a mere brush of lips, but of which the meaning was very much obvious.

In a second, a hundred thoughts invaded her brain like an express train. What had she done? Oh my god, oh my god, he was going to reject her, it was so embarrassing, how could she have done such a stupid and reckless thing, it was all over now, he was going to hate her and…

That is when he kissed her back. One of his hands slid to her waist, and the other one cupped her face, keeping the contact between them. Too stunned to do anything, she remained immobile while she felt his lips starting to move against hers, and suddenly, there was something slipping in her mouth.

The romance novels of questionable literary value she hid under her mattress talked about warmth, pleasure, excitation, butterflies in the stomach, pounding hearts and such. However, all Ayano could think when what _had_ to be Kazuma's tongue, even though she firmly refused to formulate the thought, started to move in her mouth was "ewww". It was warm alright, but unpleasantly so, it was slimy like a slug, and it felt like an invasion of her privacy. And… omigod, his hand had slipped under her shirt! It was not going up or anything (thank god), but it was still… touching her.

Ayano panicked. Okay, that was pretty stupid and irresponsible of her when she had actually been the one to initiate it all, but she had not expected _that_. So she impulsively shoved him away and ran into the bathroom.

Five minutes later, still beet red, sitting on the floor with her back to the door, she felt like the dumbest person in the world. Now, Kazuma was sure to hate her. She had kissed him, and when he had responded, she had pushed him back. She was acting like an immature brat who did not know what she wanted, or worse, like a tease. He had been there, willing, finally returning her feelings, and she had ruined everything.

It was not that she had really hated it, she loved him after all, and the simple thought of kissing him was enough to make her blush like mad and neutralize the rational part of her brain, but she really had not expected him to react like _that_, and it had been… overwhelming. Surprising. Maybe even a bit scary. And now she would never be able to face him again.

Ayano felt like bursting into tears.

A knock resounded on the door, and Kazuma's voice softly said:

"Ayano, come out."

He did not sound angry, but she still felt like hell. As though he could see her, she shook her head violently, starting to feel the tears stinging the corners of her eyes.

"Ayano, please, come out. If you stay in here for the rest of your life, you'll die of starvation."

"Then let me die." She mumbled.

A sigh.

"Please. Don't make me break the door. You know I can, and I will."

She knew alright. So she summoned up her strength, got up and slowly opened the door, staring intently at the floor.

"I… I…"

"Let's sit."

Startled and unable to think of anything to say, she sat numbly on the couch, right in the place where… urgh. Ayano felt the tears threatening to fall again, and violently bit on her lower lip. She would not cry in front of him like a little girl. She had been acting childish enough already. Waiting for the mocking words that were sure to come, she braced herself, twisting the fabric of the couch between her fingers.

"I'm sorry."

_That _sure took her by surprise. Of all the things she had expected… Mockery, maybe anger, scorn, or even a dismissal. But an apology? She snapped her head up, and the words came tumbling out of her mouth, tangled and before she had to stop herself.

"No, no, you shouldn't be, I should, I mean, I'm sorry, I… It's not like I don't want it, I mean, after all I was, erm, I did, hum, you see, well _that_, but it's… it's not! Oh, I'm sorry, I just don't know, I… AND STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!"

Kazuma was indeed starting to look very amused. The infamous Kannagi temper (or was it just the infamous Ayano temper) needed nothing more to rear its ugly head. And it just felt so reassuring to scream at him at the top of her lungs.

"Argh, you are just so infuriating! You lecher, pervert, bastard, you think this is very funny, don't you, watching me making a fool of myself when I'm so confused…"

To her utmost shame, her voice broke on the last words, and she covered her mouth with a gasp. Kazuma suddenly looked serious, and he sat beside her and caught her hand in his, effectively stopping her from manhandling the poor couch any further.

"Ayano…" he said slowly, in a very solemn voice.

Their eyes locked, and suddenly, she felt_ it_. The infamous butterflies. Well, actually, it was more like an army of ants dancing the Macarena in the pit of her stomach, but hey, at least it was some kind of bug too, and butterflies were not much prettier if you looked at them from up close. It felt like the air had been knocked out from her lungs, and somebody must have turned on the heater somewhere, because that was the only logical reason she could think of for the lovely tomato colour she just _knew_ her face had taken. Kazuma breathed slowly, and opened his mouth to speak.

"You know about the birds and the bees, don't you?"

Awe-struck, she just gaped at him, eyes as wide as saucers. If she knew about…

"What. The. HELL!"

He sighed dramatically.

"I should have known, you're still young, after all, a girl of barely thirteen…"

"SIXTEEN, you creep!"

"Anyway, a girl of barely sixteen, of course you would be oblivious to such matters, I shall be more considerate of this in the future, ah, what is your father doing, really? So, you know, when spring comes, the little birds and the little bees all come to meet each other and…"

Several things happened at this moment of our story.

The passers-by in the street under Kazuma's apartment suddenly started running for their lives. Judging from the noise, Godzilla was coming back to destroy the world and it would take no prisoner.

A very nice, if a little abused couch met his end at the hand of a sixteen years old girl with a very dangerous, flaming, sword. This set the fire alarm on, the whole neighbourhood started evacuating their buildings in a panic, while the fire brigade was bombarded with calls and the old woman from the sixth floor warned everybody who would hear her that this was certainly the sign of an upcoming apocalypse (and maybe the return of Godzilla).

Yagami Kazuma mentally made a note to one, look for a new apartment without any neighbours, two, buy a fireproof couch, three, have a fire extinguisher at hand the next time he would try to make out with the heir of an enjutsushi clan. That is, in the close future. Hiding under the table sounded like a very good plan for now.

A suspicious looking braided girl tipped her wide hat with an evil grin and took out her cell phone from her schoolbag.

The venerable head of the Kannagi family received a phone call, and started cackling gleefully as he circled the date in his agenda.

"Of course, Kannagi-san, I have pictures, who do you take me for?"

* * *

That's all folks! A sequel might be written if the inspiration comes (but I'm really slow, so it probably won't be before the next century).

By the by, jsut to clarify things, liking/loving a person very much doesn't necessarily means you won't find you first real kiss a tad bit disgusting. Actually, from my experience and most of my friends', it happens quite a lot (but I'm not saying it's always the case, everybody's different after all). I know it's not very romantic, but I guess I was just sick of reading stuff with girls _always_ getting all hot and bothered with their first kiss, and I wanted to go with a more realistic approach. Hey, it's how it is with most first times in life: it sucks, and then you practice and it gets better *wink*

And a drabble as a bonus, because the plot bunny jumped me and demanded that I write it. Or else. And honestly, was that hostage scene supposed to be serious? With what they were _wearing_?

/"Nanase! Yukari!"

Ayano smiled at her friends, reassured to see that they were safe. Granted, their outfits made them look like they were taking part in an anime con special hentai, but it seemed that no limbs were missing, so… The situation could have been worse. However, her smile quickly disappeared when she noticed the girls' cold demeanours and empty eyes. They were obviously manipulated.

She promptly stomped on Ren's foot and the boy winced from the pain, but at least, he stopped drooling. Honestly, teenage boys and their hormones.

Lapis stepped from the shadows, and Kazuma tensed. Ayano assumed a battle stance, ready to fight for all she was worth. She was, however, slightly surprised when the blue eyes slipped on her companion without the slightest hint of interest and stopped on her. Was that a leer?

"So, Ayano-chan, wanna join my harem? I have a police girl uniform ready especially for you."/


End file.
